Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
being pregnant is like rehab
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
