She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
