Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
