It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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