Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
