stop calling my apartment porn island.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
