as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
