omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You're like the curious george of whores
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
