I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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