The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
