I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
