I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
