WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize