Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
