Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize