Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
