it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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