I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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