Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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