id be glad to
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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