Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
