doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
