I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
