When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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