Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
