I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
