Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
