Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
