I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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