There is no way he is gay with that hair.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
