we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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