I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
