Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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