The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
