if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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