My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
