A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The Olympian is in my bed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
