i think my tv is drunk
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
