you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
