At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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