A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
