"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
