he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have feelings that need drinking.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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