I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
