i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
