I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
