just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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