I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
