In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
