so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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