I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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