Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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