I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
