i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
