So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ladies don't puke and tell
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
