i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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