Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
