Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
