Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
