well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
