I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
