I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize