I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
