community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so let's talk penis.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
