Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
