Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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