what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
